Yes , we have worked on how others might be feeling when she has said things that seem hurtful and I've asked numerous times
"how might you feel if" but her very open and mostly impulsive ways have added to my thoughts about what needs to be corrected and what people around us just need to deal with.
After all we choose how to take someone's words , cause as my brilliant husband taught me "its all a matter of perspective."
If she doesn't want to do something or is put in a position where she's having none of that we will have no idea what she might say or do. Usually it comes across rather rude and cruel quite frankly. I'm embarrassed enough that I do ask her "is there a politer way to say that". And than model a nicer way to have said what she just said and hope that I have taught her something for the future.
Although telling the truth and being candid has its merits , I feel there are times you also must be gentle with other people and how your words come across. Especially other kids that are just learning and navigating their way around too.
Then I also started to think about my own childhood and that as a typical child growing up I was so afraid to challenge any adult or child and followed along because I was taught and modeled that was the right thing to do.
Was it really??
Sure watching your words and censoring what you say is important but I never really learned to ask for what I wanted and was unable to stand up and advocate for myself until much later in life. I was to concerned about how my words might come across to others.
And that certainly is not what I want for my daughters.
On this autistic parent journey I am learning that her ways, although not always pleasant, and quirky are just a new perspective on how the world is and can be.
That she see's things differently and with that comes new found ways to deal with situations. Will we teach , model empathy , ways to be loving and a great human being of course, but its refreshing to see how she is just herself ,no candor or sugar coating her thoughts and ideas.
I'll keep working on her tone and flexibility with how it comes across to others and of course remember that they (our kids)
are always paying attention to how we handle ourselves too.
After all what's said is only words,
its the body language and the unspoken that is just as it not more important.